Years ago, when my first three children were small, I found a book in a Christian bookstore. The title perfectly depicted how I felt at that time. So I bought it, carried it home, and hid it (still wrapped in the store bag) in my bedside table.
The title was: Sometimes I Feel Like Running Away From Home.
I was embarrassed for my husband to see it. My oldest was just learning to read and I didn’t want him to see it either. What would they think? How could I explain that I didn’t really want to leave, but every once in awhile I wanted to not be touched, pulled at or asked a question. I loved my family, but I felt like I was losing me. And then the guilt set in.
How could a woman who experienced three years of infertility and now had three healthy children ever want to be away from them? Wasn’t I supposed to be enjoying every peanut-butter kiss and jelly-smeared hug? What was wrong with me?
I don’t remember ever reading the book. I think I just kept it hidden. But I do remember the feelings.
- Inadequacy
- Overwhelmed
- Exhausted
And when those three emotions combine, you are nearing a danger point. While I never seriously considered running away, my soul needed refreshment. In the midst of being a full-time caregiver, I needed to be reminded that I was important. That my opinions were valuable. And that it was okay to incorporate my love of roses, afternoon tea and Wedgewood china into my life then, not set aside for some unknown date.
I remember the day things changed for me. It wasn’t a super-spiritual moment. It was a Target moment, standing in the shoe department looking at the most adorable girly tennis shoes. As the mother of three boys my life was consumed with masculine things. So for a brief moment, I dismissed the shoes, thinking they were too girly. I took two steps and froze. A thought crossed my mind: Wait. I’m a girl.
That day I bought the cute tennis shoes, and determined to start incorporating the things I loved into my life. I could only do it in little ways, but those little things sustained me on some of the hard days. A pretty coffee mug, fresh cut flowers on the table, a ruffled blouse. In the midst of the chaos, I created little vignettes of beauty, little moments of peace. Yes there was still Barney on the VCR and Hot Wheels in the hall. But those touches of me really helped.
Of course the answer to feeling overwhelmed and inadequate as a mom isn’t as simple as buying a cute coffee mug. Nothing can take the place of the peace the only Christ can bring. But identifying that my needs had value was a start. Once I admitted it to myself, I was able to let my needs be known to my husband, who was very supportive. I was able to be honest in prayer too, and God ministered to my spirit.
By the way, I still have the book. I found it before writing this post and smiled. It’s a reminder that time does pass, and perspective really helps. All moms need a break to get perspective. We need to rediscover us so that we can continue to give to others. After all, if there’s nothing left inside, what can we give?
I hope this post encourages you to treat yourself this Mother’s Day. You are valuable and important. You are worth a treat. You’ve got a big job and you need to be refreshed!
Speaking of being treated, we selected four commenters from the past two days at random to win copies of “Always There” featuring a devotion by Renee Swope, a Mining for God Character Calendar and a CD of a mom’s message by Renee. The winners are: Stephanie C posting May 8 at 3:09 am; Ron posting a May 8 at 5:05 am; Laura D. posting May 8 at 9:29 pm and Michelle May posting at 9 at 11:23 am. We will be sending you an email so please watch for it.
Thanks to everyone who commented. And if you’d like to leave a comment today, please remember to click here to be taken to my blog.
Happy Mother’s Day!
Love,
Glynnis
Hi Glynnis, what a blessing today!!! I was thinking last night that I am feeling very low and very inadequate and unappreciated as a mom. My three daughters are all big ages 24, 22 and 17 but somehow things are just getting to me and today I received this answer from you and I realise I am not inadequate at all!! I have been an excellent mom so far and I am going to continue. There is definitely a lot of changes to be made after reading your piece today but my future seems much brighter again and the gloom has disappeared!!!
Thanks a lot!!!
Annetjie from South Africa
I am a mother of two wonderful children that are so different. My daughter is 14 and boy crazy but has a big heart, my son is 4 and very independent. He has to have the last work and fights for what he wants and for his friends no matter what. I have a wonderful husband that wants me to treat myself but I feel bad when I do. I am unemployed, getting ready to start taking some classes( ya’ ya’). My mother – n -law sent this to me and all I could think is who is this person that is reading my mind at this very moment. This is the second one she has sent me and when I began to read them I can’t fight off the tears and disappointment I feel. You are a amazing women that GOD has put into mother’s lives. I am happy to know I am not alone, and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I always tell people that and I am always there to lift people up and I get enjoyment from that but I just want to feel important at times, that people really know who i am not my daughter or son’s mother, that I do look good and that working out at the gym is helping you really good. I know one thing to be true I love being able to hold my children when they need me most, hold there hand when they are scared, tell them How much I love them and they can do what ever they want if they set there mind to it. As they sleep and I rub my fingers through there hair. Being a mother is great but somewhere along the way I forgot ( never really knew) who I was or am. Thank you for you messages because it hit my right in the face.
I love this post Glynnis.
I remember feeling this way when both of our children were toddlers. A few times after Jim got home from work, I “ran away” to Chick-Fil-A for 10 minutes…just me and a diet lemonade. Refreshment.
The responsibilities of motherhood can indeed be overwhelming. Motherhood keeps us on our knees before Him, that’s for sure.
Psalm 61:2 ~ “From the end of the earth will I cry unto Thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.”
Happy Mother’s Day Glynnis. I pray it is truly refreshing for you! What are you doing? We are going out to brunch after church and then I will take a guilt-free nap for a few hours that afternoon.
Hugs,
Sharon
Thank you for your encouraging blog, Glynnis.
It’s helpful to know that other moms of littles have “gone through” and survived.
Think I’ll call my mom and ask if she ever felt like running away when taking care of us 3 kids- when we were all under 6 years old- while battling constant health issues.
It’s good to be able to step back once in a while and regroup. So glad that it’s okay to do that, and that those little breaks need not be guilt-inducing.
God bless!
Erin
Once again you’ve written on a topic very familiar to me. It’s so comforting to find that we are not alone in what we feel. And lest anyone think they are immune from this particular issue, even the wife of the pastor (she herself a pastor alongside him) at the church we previously attended admitted to these same feelings. We may look like everything is fine, but we have to be free to admit when it isn’t and take the necessary steps to get back to true fine, not just portrayed fine. Thanks so much for this post, Glynnis; it’s one to keep and reread from time to time to remind ourselves we aren’t't alone in our struggles and feelings.
Hi Glynnis, You are a very wise woman. Thank you so much for all your articles. All of us share the same emotions and feelings of inadequacies at times and I’m so thankful we all have each other to help remind us to keep on keepin’ on. It does feel like we give up our identity when we are in the throws of raising children but I always remember God knows my name (it’s not Mom, even though that is a precious one!) and he knows our desires and more importantly our needs. I have raised my children and now helping to raise grandchildren and my mother in her late 80′s is living with me so I can be her caregiver. Talk about your sandwich generation I am in the Club Sandwich generation. But God knows my desires and my needs. He is ever close. I pray all you mother’s out there will have a wonderful Mother’s Day just knowing you were counted faithful to be given such precious gifts.
Good morning, Glynnis, Thank you so much for always sharing your heart! I have wanted to run away for a few months now! I am over whelmed with all that I need to do. This post was sent to me by the Lord. Blessings, Lori
Thanks so much for sharing and your words of encouragement. I have been having the blues and feeling exactly this way and yesterday I started reading your book ” I Used To Be So Organized” putting it down several times to keep from balling my eyes out because I couldn’t believe how familiar all the points you touched on described my life, my emotional state, and the feelings I am experiencing. I am sorry for the fact that you went through these hard times, but am also grateful that the Lord allowed you to go through these trials and showed you certain things in your life so that in the present you are able to share these experiences. It gives me hope because sometimes I wonder why God leaves me here so long and wonder what it is I’m suppose to be learning or cleaning up in my life. Thank You and truly pray that God brings you an extra special blessing for Mothers Day…God Bless!!!
Hi. I need this today. I have a child with autism who takes all my energy. And sometimes I just want to get away. My husband is great but we work separate shifts do we can get my son to all his appointments. Thanks for the reminder that I am special too. That I can take a few moments here and there for myself without being a bad mom
Jackie
You ARE a good mom Jackie! : ) Taking time to be refreshed helps you stay a good mom. Raising a child (or two) with special needs is a tough, tough road. I have a daughter with bipolar and the other with unknown dx at this time. I have a friend with 2 boys with Asperbergers. It is a tough journey with juggling the appointments. Blessings on your day.
Wow, the Lord used you to minister to me this morning! These are exactly the thoughts I’ve been dealing with for the past few weeks, and I’ve been really hard on myself for thinking these things. It’s encouraging to know that I’m not the only one who stands in front of the kitchen sink thinking that to just run away wouldn’t be so bad, only to feel guilty seconds later. I don’t live a hard life, in the big scheme of things. My family blesses me all the time. How could I, a woman who tries to honor God, want to run away?? It’s good to know I’m not the first to ever feel this way! Thank you, thank you for writing what was on your heart, and praise God, because He knows what I need, even when I don’t.
Just thought I’d let you know the book “Sometimes I feel like Running Away” is really a great book. I read it a few years ago after a friend of mine suggested it to me. I think as Mom’s, we all feel like running away sometimes even though we love our families more than anything. It’s great to know that we are not alone in that feeling.
Thanks for your blogs, so often you seem to be right where I’m at.
PS: Try the book, I bet it’ll make it to your list. Sue
Yesterday was a day that controlled me, instead of me taking charge of it. It was my son’s 14th Birthday, my youngest was teething and my middle child needed mommy time too. Not only that, but I signed up to make dessert for my Wednesday night small group, I had to buy a Mother’s Day card for my mom and get it in the mail and I worked 7 am – 5 pm! After two (almost three) trips to the supermarket, dessert was made, birthday presents opened and dinner for myself was of the frozen variety at 10 pm last night ( I walked a crying baby during everyone else’s meal). Needless to say, I was overwhelmed and exhausted by the time I dropped in bed. Thank you for reminding me this morning that it’s ok for time for myself. Just what I needed to hear! God Bless!
I feel inadequate, overwhelmed and exhausted even as we speak, and my two are 17 and 23. Thanks for letting me know even on this journey called motherhood, I am not alone. Thanks for the advice, the encouragement and the scriptures especially.
Hi Glynnis…I’m not a mother, but I am an only child. The past few years, both of my parents have been ill at various times and I truly have felt the weight of caring for them on my shoulders. The line, “We need to rediscover us so that we can continue to give to others. After all, if there’s nothing left inside, what can we give?” really resonated with me and spoke encouragement and wisdwom into my spirit. Thank you for reminding me that I can’t give what I don’t have. I needed to be reminded that it is OK to live my life as well and I do everyone a diservice if I disappear into my responsibilities. God bless you and thank you so much!
Too funny. I just found that same book on my shelf. I borrowed it from the church library like 5 years ago and it never found its way back to them! I think you are right on in all your musings…its the little things that make this temporary dwelling place more delightful and managable. Thanks for sharing!
Once again – you’re post speaks directly to what I’m facing. Thank you for reminding me that I’m not alone – ever. As a mother of a 3-year-old and 21-month-old, it can be easy to get lost in the circumstances of the day. Thank you!
I loved the title today–that is what made me open it up right away. Oh–I remember those days really well. I still have them–not as many–but at least weekly.
After infertility myself and adopting 2 girls (sib-set) I remember thinking as my husband drove off to work and I was left alone “with them” for the next 9 hours….”whoa. how will I manage the whining today.” I felt very alone.
I work part-time out of the home these days and love my time away. But I also love my time more and more at home—at least when they are not fighting or sassing at me (ages 10 and 8 with dx of mental illness).
But God.
But God gets me through my days (minutes frankly). He is my rock for sure.
Mother’s Day requests for me over the past 8 years have been: “day alone”, “long naps with ear plugs”. “take the kids out of the house so I can be alone in my own house” and int he past 2 years–actually wanting to do things together that day. It is a journey.
It is OK (more than OK) to have days as a mom to admit “this is hard” or “I want just a bit of time alone”. It is OK and you need it to be refreshed.
I guess it is like running away form home—run away from your earthy home for a few minutes and run to your Father’s heavenly arms. His hugs are the best.
Happy Mothers Day everyone!
Hi Glynnis,
Thank you so much for this reminder. Although, I have only one child left at home, but I am a grandma of three soon to be four. Life is always hopping at our house. In talking with a friend a few weeks ago, she helped me realize that I need to take time for me and to do things that I like to do. Like you said if we pour out and pour out and don’t take in, we become dry and lifeless (at least I do). Thank you for sharing this wonderful story. God bless you!
I used to feel this way too. Now I see that I needed God in my life and the realization that I had needs I couldn’t identify. I just plodded along. Now I appreciate those days and the wisdom they have given me.
Were you in my kitchen this morning? Those were the the exact words I spoke to my 3 children as they fought me on getting ready to school! Thank you for reminding me that I’m not alone and what I need to do to not speak those words again!
Such an encouraging post. I have 4 kids and am a stay at home mother. I also am raising my husbands 17 year old brother as well. Alot of days I feel like I am out of “steam” and cant go on. We are in the army and move alot and its hard to find other mom friends since we move around alot. Im trying to be content in any and every circumstance. Thank you for writing such wonderful, down to earth posts that I can relate to!!
Glynnis: What mother hasn’t entertained the notion of running away at least once? Great getaways…the bathroom, the basement, the attic, the garage, the backyard, the library, the park, and let’s not forget, the prayer closet (hehehe!). I’ve found a consolation: the older our son gets, the less I entertain wanting to run away. Thank you for the needed perspective for us moms who welcome the encouragement especially this time of year! Blessings on you and your family! Hope to see you at She Speaks!
Glynnis: Great message today. My feelings about running away always involved a sunny day in a convertible with the wind blowing my hair and Cars playing on the radio. One of the best gifts my husband ever gave me was a couple of days away in a hotel with no one to care for but myself. I read, I slept, I prayed, and I watched “Dear John” and cried without hiding my tears (I live in a house full of all males including the cat and the dog). It was hard at first for my family to understand why I would want that and why they couldn’t come along. I finally convinced them that I needed a little time to be just about me so I could be a better mom and wife. It worked. I came home feeling a little more feminine and refreshed. Thanks for the post and Happy Mother’s Day!
I love the idea of little things of beauty and femininity. Although my kids are grown, amid my busy life I have to remember to slow down, enjoy the small things and just be. I need to remember that I am a beautiful and loved woman, a daughter of the King.
Thank you for the encouragement. It is so easy to feel overwhelmed and to just forget about my needs because I’m so tired all of the time! I have a 10 month old son and work full-time, so often feel stretched thin. My husband is supportive of me doing things to treat myself, but I sometimes feel unimportant so I don’t follow through. Your post encourages me to really think of little things that will help me feel empowered to carry on and to rely on God as my foundation. Thank you and Happy Mother’s Day to you!
Thanks so much for sharing this with us! I feel that way sometimes & then feel guilty about it. Sometimes I’m just “give out” with nothing more to give. This was a great reminder today to take care of ourselves too : )
This one spoke to me as well. I work outside the home, and there were times that I’d be in a “bad mom” funk, and wonder what would happen if I just kept on driving up the interstate instead of taking the exit to go home… God has blessed me with a friend who has children roughly the same age as mine, and we meet weekly for a “therapy” lunch. It has saved my sanity many times to have someone to be completely honest with about motherhood and all of its wonderful highs and lows.
Thanks again!
Oh my gosh I feel this way too. I like the idea of a therapy lunch with a friend!
Thank you so much for sharing! Your honesty is a blessing. As I read your post, God spoke to me about the single-mom friends in my life. He is prompting me to help their young children show their moms how much they mean to them this Mother’s Day!
I have been telling my husband for the last several weeks that this is exactly how I feel. I feel like I shouldn’t come home from work sometimes because I walk into the house and my children immediately start crying, fighting, disobeying, picking on each other, whining etc. and all I want to do is turn around, walk back out the door and run so far away that no one would be able to find me! It is so hard and I have honestly been losing sleep over the stress of it all.
I feel like such an inadequate mother because I feel like I would rather be alone than without my children even after being away from them all day while I am at work.
Thanks for encouraging me and letting me know that I am not alone.
It is like you spoke to my heart with this blog. Running away? Yes, I do feel it at times and No, I would NEVER do it. But I did hide in the hall closet for a long time one day. We had moved to a new state. I had no friends or family around and no school yet for the kids, husband working out of the house, and Every child in the house was needing me, as well as my husband. I just needed to escapse somewhere. So I jumped into the hall closet, slid down the wall in the dark, onto the hard wood floor and just released my tears. All the while I heard, “mommy?” over and over, as they searched for me. And I couldn’t find my voice to answer them. Soon their calls turned worried and I knew I couldn’t hide out in the closet much longer, but I longed for the solitude, but now as I think about it, I felt solitude even around them because I felt lost in a new place, surrounded, but alone. I have since learned that It is when I search for God do I feel a peace in my heart, strength to endure, and never alone because HE is always there, ready to listen and take my heavy load. Then I become light and become the mother that God intended me to be for the wonderful blessing of children he entrusted me to raise, and the wonderful wife that my husband needs.
Wow, I hear your heart.. thank you for telling the truth about how hard it can be.
When my children were little we had nap time everyday. Even if they didn’t “need” a nap they had to sit quietly on their bed and read for an hour. That was my time. I got to do something not child related. For me it was usually crafting or quilting but it sometimes was also reading. It often involved watching something other than Winnie-the-Pooh or listening to something other than Joe Scruggs. I called it my sanity time.
So very true. I needed this today. God times things at the exact moment when you need them. I am so very blessed. And I am a girl admist 4 boys in the house. You have done so much for me this year; and probably didn’t even know it. Your words, the writing group you found for me, and yesterday I submitted my journey of faith story to possibly be selected to speak at our conference in Saskatchewan, Canada. You are an amazing lady. Be blessed.
Dear Glynis,
I just appreciated this blog so much. Our kids are so spread out that I will be a mom of under-aged kids for over 37 years. Our oldest is 19, our youngest 3. I am having to ask myself “does the idea of seasons apply to those of us doing kids most of our lives”. In my case from 25-62. I am trying to find ways of being myself, even if things don’t run as well at home, just to connect to who I am, and be reminded I’m not just a “it”, a tissue, a mop, but a person. I’m praying for balance, because I can’t seem to get what needs done at home ever, and keep telling myself I’ll get to do music, or write or train for a triathlon when I get things more functional at home.. that never happens. So does that mean I loose myself because I can’t achieve a perfectly running house and life? I don’t want to abandon my kids, and not be available to them. I feel like a single mom as my husband works constantly, and loves what he does which is wonderful, but leaves no room for him to take the slack, and speaking of wanting to run away, I so get that. I would never want to literally do that, but so could just get a hotel for a week and sleep non-stop, when I wake up just go for a swim or a run, eat a little and go back to sleep. Thank you again for giving us a place to share our hearts. And for sharing yours.
Thanks again so much for your encouraging devotions each day. I loved the story of My Mothers hands today. It brought tears to my eyes about my own mom. Believe me, also on “Running Away”, there are times throughout life when this occurred to me many times
probably more recent when my husband retired and is home every day. What happened to my free time? Big adjustment. Many talks with each other to prevent bags being packed. Me time does include visiting my dear friend on the beach once in a while, and I get the space I need for a few days. Refreshing!
I know each word you have written! I had three children in less than two years! (a sixteen month old when twins were born) My husband was in the Navy in Illinois and I was in North Carolina with three babies. For 18 months I moved back and forth between my parents and my husband’s parents, until we could finally afford to buy and live in a single wide mobile home. Many tears were cried… many days I wanted to leave…and leave him with those children that I thought were sucking my life away. How we made it through those years, with only one breadwinner, and no insurance for a while… and no public assistance…. well, it just had to be a God Thing! One thing was my Mama. She taught school and each summer would take all three children for a week, and each one separately for a week. And another thing was joining a group of ladies in my church for a UMW circle. God’s grace helped me find those friends, and we helped each other. Now my daughter is about to have her first child, and I know the changes in her life and her husband’s life are going to be just as overwhelming for them as they were for me…
Thank you for posting today’s writing. It is good to know that I was not by myself in wanting to run away from it all! God bless you and all the writers at Proverbs 31!
My boys are now 8,7, and 7… Yes, for some reason God thought I could handle twins when my oldest wasn’t even 18 months yet. Anyway… I still have days when I want to run away!!! While at the chiropractor today I was given a lecture on how I need to figure out a way to take care of myself. A person can only give so much.. he said. I wanted to cry… but I didn’t want to make him feel bad for telling me what I needed to hear. I am not exactly sure how I am going to find some ‘me time’ but I do know if I want to keep up with the boys this summer…. I need to!!! This devotion was exactly what I needed to read today!! Thank you!
Wow!!! I am seriously so in awe of how God points us in the right direction when we need it most. I am continually refreshed by reading your posts and seeing how much they apply to the currently crazy life of a mom of 3 boys (5, 2 and 4 months). Thank you!
Thank you soooo much!! Sometimes I feel like you are reading my mind. I am a mother of 2 boys and a husband. I am the only girl also in my house! I have started adding some “girliness” back into my life also, even something as simple as painting my finger nails has really helped!
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