Loneliness is oppressive. The funny thing is, a mom can be surrounded with children and still be lonely at times.
It’s not that you don’t LOVE your children. But something in a mom’s heart longs to connect with others going through the same challenges. You need to know you aren’t going crazy when you put the milk in the cupboard and the cereal in the fridge. And you want someone to remind you that your child will NOT be in diapers forever. And to tell you that even the most wonderful children will make stupid choices … and they can still grow up to love and serve Jesus.
When my husband’s job took us across the country, loneliness felt like a vice around my heart. Josh was in 2nd grade, Dylan in kindergarten and it was just Robbie and me during the day. (Our daughters didn’t join our family until a few years later). And though I loved the together-time with Robbie, I was really lonely.
Back then I didn’t know anything about MOPs (Mothers of Preschoolers) or Mom’s in Touch (now Mom’s in Prayer). We were still looking for a church, and I had met any neighbors. I remember walking around my new house crying and praying for a friend. Just one friend! Someone to have a cup of coffee with or go to McDonald’s with. I’d even exercise with someone, I was that desperate!
God didn’t immediately answer my prayer. But He used that time of loneliness to not only connect me with Robbie, but to connect me with Himself. I reached out to God like I never had before. I was desperate for His companionship and His help. And He did not disappoint. God started speaking to me in my spirit. I “heard” His voice in my head, speaking words of encouragement, bringing Scriptures to mind I didn’t even know I had memorized and even giving me direction on things to do.
Then, it took about a month, but we found a church. And a few weeks after that I saw a small group with child care listed in the bulletin, and showed up at the first meeting with tears of gratitude in my eyes. At that meeting I met another mom who also liked McDonald’s and we became friends. The week of that first meeting, I got a knock on my door. It was a mom from Dylan’s classroom who was wondering if I’d like to get together with her. Would I ever! I replied … trying hard not to appear too needy.
Then God specifically told me to call Lysa TerKeurst (I just so happened to show up at her church) and volunteer for Proverbs 31 Ministries. I never in a million years could have envisioned how many fabulous friends God would bring my way as a result of obeying that one request of His. It’s been 15 years since then!
I guess what I want to say today is I know what loneliness feels like. And I know that as painful as it is, God can use it to bring good out of your life. It’s important to turn to God first, allowing Him to meet your needs before trying to connect with others though. The reason? An overly-needy friend can be draining … and we don’t want to drain the life out of our friends. We want to be a blessing as much as we want to be blessed.
Then, as you pray for a friend, don’t just sit in your house waiting for someone to show up. Now I know that actually happened to me, but I also took the initiative to attend a small group and call someone. Since that time, I moved back home (to Glendale AZ) and had to look for new friends. This time I actually started a small group with child care and made some great friends that I still have.
I know making friends is hard. But with God it is possible. Don’t be discouraged if your first attempt doesn’t yield a BFF. Try again. And I wish I could invite all of you to come to McDonald’s with me (or for coffee). What a great time we would have!
God’s Word
John 15: “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”
Ecclesiastes 4:10, “If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!”
John 13:34-35, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
Organizing Tip
My tip today has to do with organizing children’s closets but it also can help you make friends. First the tip. I’ve discovered if I don’t remove outgrown or badly damaged clothing, they will at some point end up on a child at the most inappropriate time. And that child will insist that the pants legs are long enough,the shorts aren’t too tight, and everyone wears cothes with lots of rips in them.
So if I don’t want to get into an argument, it’s best to remove clothes at the start of the school year that don’t fit, need repair, or need to be re-purposed (rags, quilting scraps, etc). One of the best parenting tips I ever got was to remove things I have to say “no” to. And as my children get older, clothing tops the list.
This is a great project to do with a friend. Or you can even use this as a way to make new friends. What if you invited a group of moms in the neighborhood to a clothing swap? You might get some size-appropriate clothes for free and a new friend at the same time!
When you are working on your child’s closet, and remove items, put them in a dark colored bag or box so your child can’t see it. As you reorganize the closet, remember to use vertical space wisely. Use stacking shelves above and below hanging clothes. If space is limited, remove out-of-season clothes and store under the bed, in the garage or attic. Then, maybe you’ll be so inspired, you’ll tackle your closet … or maybe not. 
Well, we’ve made it to day nine of my back-to-school series. We’ll end the series tomorrow with my friend Karen Ehman, and a fabulous message on how to encourage your children. Plus, my oh-so-generous friend has another giveaway.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on friendship. How did God bring a friend into your life? Any tips you can share with others?
Thanks for joining me today!
In His love,
Glynnis
Great tips. Susan Miller has a wonderful website and ministry for moving Moms. Her book after The Boxes Are Unpacked truly helped me many times. Go to justmoved.org for heavenly support.:O)
I have been wearing myself down so bad I am wrecked with pain. I need to focus more on Jesus and less on doing and being busy and let others step in for me. My God time has dwindled down to a smaller fraction of time and God is the one who makes and keeps our days. I need to minister to Him More He is my Master.
I too was new to the area, and watching my daughter do gymnastics at the local YMCA. I saw a young mom walk up in front of me, noticed her amazingly cute haircut and the fact that she wore a Pittsburgh Steeler t-shirt. I knew I instantly wanted to meet her, I even felt God nudge me to go and say hello. Well I hesitated and in that instant her husband and son ran up and I didn’t want to interrupt. Even as I left the building I knew God had told me to say hello and I had not been obedient. Well, wouldn’t you know the next morning at my bible study I was told I had a new member, and I when I turned around there was ‘cute haircut & Pittsburgh Steeler fan. Imagine my suprise when I saw her, isn’t God funny? He tried to bring me a friend before and I didn’t listen, I so glad He didn’t give up on me and brought her to my small group the next day! Amen for friends!
I, unfortunately am just the opposite, I love to be alone in my own little world. But I actually do the same thing as you, I have to force myself to go out and make friends….at church, school, wherever I am. I tend to keep it to just a few though because I value my alone time. In hunting season my entire house leaves for atleast 5 days and it is glorious! I clean the whole house and then admire it for 3 days…..then I start to miss them…
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Friendship. My husband was away in Iraq and I was left at home with our one year old, and my two older sons, 9 and 11. I was living on the East Coast, and he had been moved to California as his new duty station in the Marine Corp. My ex-husband wouldn’t allow me to take our two boys away from the area so my husband and I made the choice to live apart for the 3 year period he would be stationed in California which would include his deployment to Iraq, then cross the next bridge at the end of that time, assuming he would return home safe and sound. During that time he was gone, a neighbor I barely knew, knew I was home alone with our kids – probably because of the yellow ribbons plastered all over the trees in my front yard. Chris would stop in every now and then just to check on me and see how I was doing. It always seemed to be at the most inopportune times, but I welcomed her because she cared and showed it. Her kindness has led us to be the closest of friends, and her friendship led me to God in a way I had not previously known Him. She’s been a blessing in my life. Since that time, my husband returned home, his 3 years in California turned into 2.3 years when he requested to come back to our area for recruiting duty at a time that the Marine Corps was having a hard time getting people to recruit. That happened to be one months before the birth of our 2nd child together. One year later, we were blessed again when his two children came to live with us. If you’ve lost count, that makes six. But I would never have made it through that tough time if my neighbor hadn’t reached out and became my dearest friend.
Thank you for speaking on lonliness! I moved three in a half years ago with my husband to seminary. We do not live on campus because our family is to large for the apartments and even though we have a great church and I attend seminary wives class once a week I still have yet to have a friend to ‘go to coffee with’ or talk on the phone. I have reached out several times through meals and encouraging messages on facebook or email (no one gives out numbers anymore lol!) but to no avail. We have been blessed with a lot of friends don’t get me wrong but I would love a friendship where we hold each other accountable can share our ‘unglued’ moments and support each other to be the women of God that He has called us to be. I have prayed so much over this (and cried) and honestly I think this may be God’s plan to prepare me for the mission field where so many women have gone into depression because of the lonliness. Sometimes I think God allows lonliness for His greater plan preparing us for whatever it is so we are stronger when He needs us to be. Thank you again!
I love the tip about putting the clothes in dark-colored bags or boxes. I failed that one when I put my daughter’s outgrown stuff a white garbage bag, only to discover she had rescued several articles of clothing that “still fit.” And, just as you said, they ended up on her at an inopportune time! You made me laugh out loud this morning – no easy task as I am only semi-awake and feeling overwhelmed with some other things! Thanks!
And re. the friend thing, my husband and I moved our family from western PA to Wytheville, Virginia some 3 years ago. I really didn’t want to move, but God has blessed us many times over for being willing to do it. I have more friends here than I ever had up home – and am very grateful.
I do consignment sale twice a year, fall and spring. That gives me the “opportunity” (I put that in quotations because it is not something I enjoy!) to clean out the children’s closets as well as go through the toys, games, stuffed animals, etc! I bag up what goes to consigmment and what goes to donation. After consignment, if there is anything left over, it goes to donation. And yes, it does motivate me to go through my closets as well! Not only do I feel organized, but I have a litte extra money for the family.
Your message really resonated with me this morning and boy can I relate to Amy’s post. I have been praying for a “special” friend for months now and waiting sometimes patiently and sometimes not so patiently. I have many “friends” but not that one as Amy described that will hold you accountable and vise versa, not that one to share the unglued moments with and not the one to grow with and basically enjoy life on a more intimate level. Your message really spoke to my heart today that before God blesses me with that one here, He really wants me to draw nearer to him. Thank you for your message—it was just the encouragement that I needed this morning.
I too am still looking for that one true BFF. I was blessed by your message and remember the days at home crying. I now work outside the home and still have many days that I feel truly lonely. I love my kids and my husband but long for that girlfriend to keep me accountable and to just want to spend time together.
I feel like God is calling me into a deeper relationship with him today.
Thank you for your message and encouragement these last few days. It was exactly what I needed to hear.
I used to have many friends, two of whom were particularly close. Six years ago my husband was transferred from Louisiana to Minnesota. Talk about culture shock! I made a few friends, but no one my age who was really close. I have kept up with my two friends, but time and distance have changed those relationships. Three years ago, we had the opportunity to relocate back to my hometown in Mississippi. I have had a very difficult time making a close friend here. I have lots of acquaintances, but no one I can just call up to go shopping or to go walking, etc. I don’t think I’ve really asked God for His help, so maybe this is the nudge I need to do that! I would actually love for my husband and I to have a “couple” friend! Thanks for your devotions. I really enjoy reading them!
This post was for me today…thank you
I like Phyllis had many friends and two very close friendships. My family of 10, relocated from my husbands home town to my home town. I had been gone almost 20 years. Those who I were close to here we may run into each other or comment on face book. But no real friendship, that of accountability, coffee/tea time, the get to know and like the real me kind of friendship has come about. I haven’t really whinned about it nor have I really prayed about it and too believe this is God giving me a nudge. Because I miss the closeness of my girls. Having someone to talk to, go with, etc.
Also thanks for the tip on cleaning the closet. I really needed that and was going to ask you for tips on this subject. Not just closets but how to keep clothes for 8 kids organized.
thank you. I needed this post. We just moved to a new state two months ago and I am already impatient for a new friend. I used to work part time but decided to stay home with my youngest after the move. So like you, I have two in school and one at home. I am very lonely even though everyone I meet is friendly. My prayer time has increased and become more consistent which is wonderful. A cup of coffee or playdate would also be wonderful.
This spoke to my heart as well, and I thank you for it. I am saving to to return to again. My husband died 2 years ago and I struggle with the loneliness that follows his passing, even though I am loved by 2 precious kids. I know that Jesus catches every tear and is here for me even in the dark and lonely times. But I really appreciated that statement you made about waiting for God to meet my needs before “trying” to connect to others… that really resonated. Thank you for your ministry Glynnis. I can’t tell you how much I treasure your words.
Thanks much for the post today. It spoke volumes to me. My husband is serving in the Air Force and we moved a year ago to Las Vegas. WOW, culture shock to say the least. A few weeks ago we were told that he would be deploying for six months. We moved from the east coast where I had an amazing group of girl friends. I miss coffee, bible study and BUNCO! I will be staying in LV for this deployment. I am so far away from home with no family, friends, and not a huge support from the base. Your words about connecting with God first were empowering and today at the gym I felt good. Really good. Because your words were a reminder that we are not alone for He is with us. I know that this deployment is going to be an opportunity to grow and spend time basking in His glory. This will be our fifth deployment so I know that I am in for some rough days with being the mother of three precious little ones! Thanks again for your words. I look forward receiving your emails each morning. Blessings.
Seems this post was meant for me this week. Am struggling with loneliness this week. Thanks for your posts.
I’m so sorry for your loss Glynnis. How wonderful to hear of the love of the body of Christ in your pain and suffering. God bless you and comfort your entire family.
Thank you for the reminder to leave the dishes and spend time with my kids. I get so caught up in the house not being chaotic that I forget the important things. I am so sorry for your loss. Thanks for all you do.