Feb 2012

It’s getting harder to make friends

Posted by Glynnis

Today I’ve got a devotion running on Encouragement for Today on loneliness. Based on the feedback we get at Proverbs 31 Ministries, many of you reading this today would classify yourself as lonely. It’s a hard place to be. I know. And it can affect anyone.

You might have a houseful of children … and still be lonely.

You might work in a high-rise … and still be lonely.

You might be married … and still be lonely.

Loneliness can strike at any time, in any situation a woman might experience. Age, finances, employment, geography … none of this guarantees a life less lonely.

In fact, at P31, we believe loneliness is epidemic and continues to increase despite all the ways we have to stay connected. Why is that? Is it getting harder to make and keep good friends? While I don’t have scientific evidence, I do have some observations. And I believe addressing this issue will not only affect our relationships with each other, but our relationship with God.

I do think it’s more difficult to make deep connections with friends. Not only is our time limited, but we only have so much of ourselves to offer others. By the time I’ve invested myself in my husband, children, mother, sisters, P31 friends (who live in other states), and the increasing amount of people who communicate with me through social media, there is not much left for my friends. I can spread myself emotionally thin if I’m not careful.

Those two reasons alone make it hard to develop deep friendships. But there’s one more trend with significant ramifications if we don’t acknowledge it and make a change: It’s too easy to be fake with each other.

This has always been a problem, but it’s getting worse with our ability to communicate screen to screen, rather than face to face. It’s so easy to type in happy faces and let you think it’s true. And since there’s not enough characters in a text to tell you what’s really going on, it’s easier to keep conversations on the surface. Admit our deepest fears and doubts? In an email?

Then, with so many people having a public persona, there’s a sense of needing to maintain a reputation. On Facebook or a blog, it’s easy to quote Bible verses and encouraging quotes. After all, that’s not the place to confess challenges with our children, our husbands, our jobs. I’d much rather you admire me and think I’ve got it all together rather than know my deepest struggles.

We’ve got cultural changes that are impacting our ability to make and keep friends. If much of our conversation happens through a screen, I can manufacture a desired emotional response. The problem is without complete honesty and vulnerability we can only go so far in friendships. And I don’t know about you, but I instinctively know when someone is putting on a good face. Most women do. And when I sense that cover-up, I hold back. I wait. Protective walls creep up because it’s obvious trust isn’t there. And trust has to be the foundation of relationships. Without it, our relationships will be shallow.

I’ve discovered this is true with God as well. Years ago I discovered it was much easier to say I trusted God than to really trust Him. In the deepest corners of my heart, I was ashamed to admit I didn’t think God would come through for me. Oh, I knew He could. But I didn’t really trust that He would. That lack of trust affected my closeness with God. And it wasn’t until I got honest that things started to change.

In my devotion I made the point that God can use our times of loneliness to draw us closer to Himself. If you are in that place of loneliness, I encourage you to be honest before God. Let Him be a safe place to empty every dark corner of your heart, soul and mind. Nothing’s hidden from Him anyway, and by being honest you’ll find your relationship with God growing stronger.

It’s also good practice for developing relationships with others. Once you discover God won’t turn away when you acknowledge your junk, perhaps you’ll be more open with those around you. Choose someone you really care about and share something deep. I believe that honesty will be the start of some really great friendships I know God wants to bring to your life.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic. How has God used loneliness in your life? Do you think it’s harder to make friends new? Or is it easy to make them, but hard to keep them? If so why. To leave a comment, click here to be taken back to my blog, Please don’t hit reply as that just comes to me. And while I love reading your comments, I want everyone to enjoy them.

Thanks for joining me today!

Grace & Peace,

Glynnis

106 Comments | Filed Under: friends

Do ideas spill out your ears?

Posted by Glynnis

Quick reminder: Roo Mag is giving away two copies of my book today. Stop over and enter if you have time! (www.RooMag.com) Moving on …

Sometimes I want to put a stopper on my brain. I’ve got so many ideas about so many things. And sadly, many days all those great ideas just slip right out my ears and into the air … never to be remembered again.

I amaze myself at what I can forget.

One day I had a fabulous idea for a Proverbs 31 devotion. It was so brilliant I was sure I wouldn’t forget it. And so, confident in my great idea’s power to hold firm, I went about my business that morning. Later that day, something tickled at my mind. Hadn’t I had a good idea for something? … hmmm … what was it?

Try as I might, I NEVER remembered that idea. The question nagged at me for days. I knew that idea was something I should have remembered, and an opportunity slipped away to capture it. One might say God would give me that idea if it was something He wanted. And that is possible – He’s done it many times. However, based on my history of forgetting numerous good things, I think this is an area God needs me to actively address.

I’ve discovered ideas don’t always come at the most convenient time. In fact, they seldom arrive when I’m sitting at my desk with a pen and to-do list. Telling myself to be creative works as well as telling myself not to eat that delicious red velvet cupcake my son’s girlfriend made. (I had two)

My most creative thoughts come when I am doing something unrelated to whatever the idea concerns. Here’s where I get my best ideas: Driving, showering, doing laundry, reading in bed at night, reading the Bible at any time, and hanging out with friends and family.

So, I’ve been on a quest for years to discover ways to capture ideas and then manage them until I can do something about them. Here are some tips for capturing and managing.

Capturing Ideas

While I’m out:

I keep a notepad in my purse

I call my home number and leave a message.

Text or email myself.

Travel with a micro voice recorder. Great while driving.

However, the best tool while out has been the iPhone I bought last year with Siri – the voice activated command center. I use this every day. I set reminders for myself for when I know I’ll be home and write notes in the notes section. It’s been a fabulous tool and well worth the investment. (Note: I didn’t buy at full price – and I know this is expensive. But I’m looking at it as an investment in myself and God’s work.)

While I’m home:

I’m still mainly a pen and paper girl at home. So I have lots of notepads in different places.

However, since my computer is an extension of my hands most days, I’m also learning new ways to capture ideas here until I can manage them. Personally I’m on Outlook most of the day, so I use the notes and tasks options to write things down.

Also, I am using Evernote more. This is a free service for capturing and managing ideas. I’ve yet to master this, but I’m using it in increasing measure and will continue to learn more. Michael Hyatt recommends Evernote. If you’ve never read Michael Hyatt’s blog you might enjoy starting with this post. Click here.

Managing Ideas

Capturing ideas in a “safe” place is critical. Here are three ideas:

1. Use your project management notebook. I have pages in my planner for ideas I want to remember. Mine include: ideas for books I’m working on, devotion ideas with Scripture, and blog post ideas.
2. Create an idea folder in Word. Within that folder, create subfolders for ideas. Here’s an example of what that might look like:

A. Food
a. Restaurant to try
b. Recipes to try
c. Food gifts to make
B. Places
a. Vacation spots
b. Camping spots
c. Activities with the family
C. People
a. Friends to invite for dinner
b. Birthday gift ideas
c. Prayer requests

This is just a sample of one way to manage ideas. You’ll need to determine what works best for you. I’ve found that keeping fewer main folders and more sub-folders helps me keep track of things better.

3. Use something like Evernote to manage your ideas in the same sub-folder manner.

I KNOW there are fabulous programs out there to manage tasks and ideas. I’ve looked at lots of them. One example is Remember The Milk.

Let’s continue this discussion. How do you manage ideas? Do you use an online program? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Grace & Peace,

Glynnis

35 Comments | Filed Under: creativity, organizing

Feb 2012

Giveaways galore & a winner announced from last week

Posted by Glynnis

Today I’m delighted to share the launch of a new online magazine created by Candace Cameron Bure (Remember DJ Tanner on Full House?) called Roo Mag. Yes, it’s an interesting name, and I’ll let you visit and find out why Candace picked this as the name.

To visit Roo Mag, click here.

Every day this week Candace and her team are giving away prizes and you’ll have multiple chances to win. Some days there are two chances, so you’ll want to check back regularly. My book will be featured on Thursday. Here’s a sneak peak at the prizes:

Monday Morning – 5 Copies of “ReShaping It All” by Candace and Darlene AND 5 copies of Candace’s CD with her testimony
Monday Afternoon -3 of Karen Ehman’s books and 3 $10 gift cards
Tuesday Morning – “A Confident Heart” by Renee Swope
Tuesday Afternoon – eDesign Single Question Consult – $45 Value – Darlene Weir
Wednesday Morning – “The Good Girls Guide to Great Sex” by Sheila set to be released Marched 1st but Zondervan has made 3 copies available!
Wednesday Afternoon – The ebook – “The Good Wife’s Guide” – 5 copies – by Darlene Schacht
Thursday Morning – “I Used To Be So Organized” – 2 copies by Glynnis Whitwer
Thursday Afternoon – A BIG bundle of homeschooling ecurricula by Erica
Friday Morning - 10 copies of Money Saving Mom’s book! by Crystal Paine
Friday Afternoon – a Cuisinart Immersion Blender – fun!- LeAnn Rice
Saturday Morning – 3 Copies of Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerich given by Joy Eggerich
Saturday Afternoon – 5 Copies of the ebook The Pursuit of Proverbs 31 by Amy Bayliss and 1 DIY Memebership!

I know you are receiving this email from me after Monday’s giveaways, but you can enter up until Sunday night.

Here’s a video they’ve created. If you can’t view it in this email, please visit my blog to watch: www.GlynnisWhitwer.com

I hope you’ll stop over there and enter to win some great prizes. I would also love it if you would please pray for Cameron, her team and this website. Candace has such a beautiful heart for the Lord and her desire is to use the platform the Lord has given her with acting to reach women for Christ.

One more thing. I’d like to announce the winner of the Starbuck’s gift card. Congratulations to Selena who posted a comment on February 10th at 5:53 a.m. I’ve sent an email to Selena.

Thank you for sharing such great title ideas and topics that you’d like to read about. I took pages of notes and LOVED your thoughts.

Grace & Peace,

Glynnis

19 Comments | Filed Under: give aways

Feb 2012

The problem with hurry

Posted by Glynnis

Today I’ve got a post running on Roo Magazine titled An Unhurried Life. If you are joining me after reading that post, welcome to my personal blog. If you are one of my subscribers, I hope you’ll visit Roo Magazine to read my post. I’ll actually be promoting Roo Mag on Monday as next week is a HUGE launch week for them, with lots of giveaways (including my book on Thursday)! Yahoo!

Hurry used to be such an issue for me. And on some days, still is. Just when I think I’ve got hurry whipped, I find myself annoyed when my computer take five extra seconds to load a website. Why do I think pushing random keys is going to help??? It doesn’t!

Actually, I used to be a very patient person. In fact, it was one of the personal virtues I was most proud of. Then I had children. And I became not so patient.

WARNING: Do not be “proud” of any personal virtues. God may decide it’s time for some humbling. (LOL)

That’s just what happened to me. In the span of four years, God gave me and my husband three active healthy boys. And I was undone. Thankful, for sure. But outnumbered and overwhelmed. For too many years after the last one was born, I tried to maintain my “old” lifestyle and dragged those three little boys everywhere. Everything took longer and was more difficult than before. And I found myself being snippy and snappy about too many things.

Hurry up! Let’s get going! We don’t have time for that!

Then I read The Life You’ve Always Wanted by John Ortberg. His chapter on An Unhurried Life jumped out of the book and slapped me up one side and down the other! Ortberg mentions something he calls “hurry sickness” which is characterized by a diminished capacity to love. And when I read those words, I got a talkin’ to in my spirit. My heart was slain, because I saw myself described in that chapter. And didn’t want to be that kind of woman.

I wanted to be a patient and loving mother, one who took the time to teach, play, read and answer questions no matter how many times they were asked. Was I conveying something other than love to my children? To my husband? To my friends?

God challenged me to consider how I was loving those dearest to me. And when I was in a hurry, evidence of my love diminished. Hurry had to go. I learned I could be busy, but not in a hurry. I could be productive, but not in a hurry. This wasn’t easy because hurry was a habit. But with practice, it got easier. And it’s still something I work on to this day. I have to deliberately choose to slow down when I am with other people.

I’m so passionate about this idea of eliminating hurry from my life, that it’s the topic of my next book. In fact, my working title is “An Unhurried Life.” (FYI – you can’t copyright a title. But I will ask Mr. Ortberg for permission before finalizing that title) My book will look at the different ways we can slow down and enjoy life, show more love and live out our values in greater measure. I think there is a longing in our hearts to live this kind of slower, simpler life – hence the huge interest in the Amish. Not the specific practice of their faith, but the simplicity of their lifestyle.

Does this sound interesting to you? I’d love to know your thoughts about a book like this. Ideas for a better title? What should I cover in the chapters? What is your greatest challenge with living a slower, simpler life?

Leave a comment and I’ll enter you in a drawing for a Starbucks gift card. I’ll announce the winner on Monday.

**** Thank you for entering. This contest is closed and a winner selected. ****

Thanks for joining me today!

Grace & Peace,

Glynnis

236 Comments | Filed Under: simplicity, stress

Feb 2012

I can’t believe I cheated myself

Posted by Glynnis

Today I’ve got a devotion running on Encouragement for Today at Proverbs 31. If you are joining me after reading that devo, I’m so glad you did. If you are one of my regular readers, I hope you’ll enjoy this deviation from all the de-cluttering talk we’ve been doing for the past month. Today I’m writing about short-cuts and why they aren’t always the best thing for us. Let me give you an example of what I mean.

For one crazy, what-was-I-thinking year, I attended a cardio class twice a week. That doesn’t sound too bad in print, but it wasn’t your ordinary exercise class. It was one designed for MMA fighters. No, I don’t have any plans to fight. Let me back up.

For a few years, my husband and I were part owners of a mixed martial arts training center. That’s where they train fighters who hope to be in the UFC one day. This training center was a family member’s dream, and we wanted to support our family. And, since I’m the mother of three young men, and the wife of one athletic husband, it was a lot of fun.

Anyway, I had this idea that the owners should be a visible presence in the center … and so I got my out-of-shape body into some workout gear (which didn’t look quite as good on me as I imagined while in the store) and showed up to a cardio conditioning class on Tuesday and Thursday evenings. The class consisted of 12-15 other people. All in shape. Most their 20s. And then there was me. (Remember the Sesame Street song “One of these things is not like the others … one of these things just doesn’t belong” – yep that was me.)

For some reason, the trainer seemed to hover around me most of the time … correcting … repositioning … muttering under his breath …

In that difficult year I learned a valuable lesson: there are ways to circumvent pain … and that’s to do things wrong.

You see, you don’t have to do a full push up, you can pretend like you are doing a push up and go down ever so slightly. You can do a semi-squat. You can jog instead of run. You can pull the bands back halfway instead of all the way. And I could go on and on. The problem with this half-hearted approach was I wasn’t seeing the results I really wanted.

I cheated myself with every shortcut. If anyone else cheated me, I would be furious. But there I was, doing it to myself. Short-changing my progress with every fake sit-up. And I knew it.

This settling for mediocrity frustrates me – about myself. Over the years, I’ve caught myself doing it at different times. It’s an insidious cycle of half-hearted effort, defeat, discouragement and then giving up. Each time I catch that cycle starting to happen, I have to get firm with my lazy-self. I tell her, “That’s not who you want to be! Don’t cheat yourself! Push through and do it right the first time.”

That’s just what happened in that cardio class. I determined that I might be the last one finishing each exercise, but I was going to do them right. Ten deep squats (ouch). A full-out sprint (LOL – at least that’s what I called it). I checked my form and forced myself to finish each assignment by the instructor. At the end of the year, I was NOT ready for the octagon. But I was stronger than I’d ever been.

Addressing this issue has impacted every area in my life. I’m not the most naturally disciplined person – far from it. But I can testify that refusing to take shortcuts makes a difference. It takes some tough self-talk, but I’m not willing to cheat myself so I do it.

If this connects with you on some level, I want to encourage you to identify an area in your life that you’d like to improve. You don’t have to make big changes to see a difference. Just start by pushing through in one area.

Is your home a mess? Commit to washing and putting away the dishes before you go to bed.
Is your relationship with your husband lukewarm? Commit to telling him one reason you love or respect him every day.
Is your laundry in piles? Commit to washing, drying, ironing and putting away one load.
Are your finances in shambles? Commit to balancing your checkbook. (Or get a new one and start from scratch)
Are your friendships distant? Commit to calling a friend and planning a get together.
Do you want to lose weight? Commit to not eating BLTs (bites, licks, tastes and sips) for one day. Then another.

Don’t worry about the big things in life if you are overwhelmed. Just focus on the little things and do them with all your heart. Fully. No short cuts. Through to the end. I’m confident you’ll see a difference over time. And I believe you’ll start to redefine success. It’s not always the end goal you pictured, but it’s always you doing your best.

Sadly we are no longer owners of that MMA training center. It was sold. But I’ll always be thankful for what I learned about life and myself in that cardio class.

And I’m thankful for you today. I’m so glad you stopped by.

Grace & Peace,

Glynnis

32 Comments | Filed Under: victory