Something happens to a person when they grow up with inconsistent love – they learn to doubt sincere love in others.

My husband grew up in a home with inconsistent love at best and conditional love most of the time.  Both his parents struggled with addiction, and his mother with depression.  My heart breaks for the little boy whose parents didn’t show up for sporting events and the teenager who was awarded “Outstanding Freshman” and went to the banquet alone. 

This upbringing has affected Tod is many ways.  He has overcome a lot, but still struggles with one significant thing:  thinking the best of others.   It’s a deeply ingrained habit of protection to put up a wall at the slightest hint of rejection.  Even when it’s not there.  

This happens when he is offended at something I’ve done … when I had absolutely no negative intent.    We’ve come a long way, but I still see the hurt in him.

I see this same pained response in many women as well.   They read things into other’s responses or lack of responses.  They harbor hurt when none was intended.  They read negative intent into the motives of others, and are offended.

Can you just see how this spirals downward in a woman’s mind?  

Thankfully I had a different upbringing.  But I also work hard at a different response:  I choose to believe the best, unless proven otherwise.

If something potentially hurtful happens, I make a choice:

• I assume people are busy.
• I assume they forgot.
• I assume they have something else on their mind.
• I assume they didn’t see me.
• I assume something else has hurt their feelings.

I extend grace, and pray that it is returned should I get busy … forget … have something on my mind … don’t see a friend across the room … or am wounded by something else.  Because I will do all those things … hopefully not at the same time.

Today, I’m reminding myself to think the best about others.  I’m convinced it makes me a better person.  It’s a discipline that takes practice, and it sometimes requires I pull my thoughts back to a lovely place.  Do I always succeed?  To be honest, no.  Sometimes I get caught in the cycle too.  But I’m committed to thinking positively about the motives of others.

I hope this makes me a better wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend. 

That’s on my mind today.  Now to get back to writing my book which is due in two weeks … Lord, I need inspiration and mercy!  And if I forget your birthday, don’t say thank you, take  longer to reply to an e-mail or Facebook comment, please forgive me.   It’s truly not personal.

Grace & Peace,

Glynnis

Howdy! That’s how we say hello in the desert Southwest … well, not really …but I wish we did, because I like it.

Anyway, what I mean to say is welcome to those of you who have found your way to my blog after reading my devotion about Soil and Dirt.

If you live in a part of the country where you have rich soil, I’m jealous for your delicious tomatoes and raspberries. We have good oranges here and any day now the trees will start to blossom and fill our streets with the most incredible fragrance ever. But I’d trade my orange tree for your raspberry bush any day of the week.

As I was reflecting about my heart and whether it’s got more soil or hard dirt, I think it’s half and half. Sometimes I find my heart very hard. Normally it’s after I’ve been hurt by someone. It’s like all the softness evaporates and all that is left is hard, crusty dirt.

When that happens, like it did earlier today, I find myself not really caring about the condition of my heart. It doesn’t last for long, but it happens. I’m hurt. I’m mad. I’m offended. And I don’t feel like doing anything about it except mulling over what happened and how wronged I am.

Even knowing I was going to write this post didn’t help in that moment earlier today. I thought about all the things I would tell someone else. You know, all the RIGHT things that a Christian woman should say … and believe. And still my heart felt hard. I wasn’t ready to forgive the offense, and anyway, I hadn’t received an apology.

The bottom line is I knew I needed to forgive the offence, but I didn’t FEEL like doing it. Instead of waiting for the feelings to come (or the apology which never did) I had to make a choice. I had to ask God for His help to soften my heart, because I couldn’t do it on my own. I asked God to help me feel like forgiving.

There was no immediate change of heart, but it was like the rising of the sun. It happened gradually and I was able to forgive.

As we at Proverbs 31 minister to women around the world, we find that many have been hurt deeply, offended greatly and offered no apology. I believe there are many reading this blog today who would say that has happened to them.

I know there are no easy answers. And it doesn’t always help for someone to say the right words, because you already know them. So today, if that is you, I pray for God to soften your heart, just like the gentle rising of the sun. Perhaps it will happen so quietly that you won’t notice it happening until you don’t feel quite so hard and brittle.

Then, as God does His miraculous work, I pray you experience a softened heart to receive all that God longs to give you.

Until then, know that you have sisters in Christ who will pray for you, stand in the gap when you don’t have the energy to do so yourself, and love you with the love of Christ.

Thank you for reading my blog today. If I can pray for you, please leave a comment. You can do so anonymously, God knows.

In His Love,
Glynnis